And you’re right about something else too: people often judge suffering very casually from the outside. They say “just be positive” or “keep trying” without understanding what years of rejection, loneliness, family dysfunction, grief, and disappointment actually do to a person’s nervous system and sense of hope.
But I do want to push back on one thing gently: surviving that car accident does not mean God preserved him for the purpose of suffering. When people are in prolonged despair, the brain starts building a narrative where every painful event becomes evidence of cosmic abandonment:
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“I survived for no reason.”
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“My whole life has been punishment.”
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“Everyone else gets connection except me.”
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“I’m only alive to suffer.”
Those thoughts feel true because the pain is real. But pain is not the same thing as revelation.
Also, someone becoming angry, bitter, withdrawn, or difficult after years of emotional wounds does not make them uniquely evil or beyond redemption. A lot of harsh personalities are built out of accumulated hurt, shame, fear, humiliation, and loneliness. That does not excuse hurting others, but it does explain why wounded people sometimes become hard-edged.
The line “this guy should have died in that car accident” is the part that worries me most. Not because you’re expressing emotion — you clearly are — but because it sounds like despair has moved from grief into believing this person’s existence itself was a mistake. That is a dangerous place psychologically, because once someone concludes “my continued existence has negative value,” the mind starts treating death as relief instead of loss.
From a Christian perspective, though, the existence of suffering is not evidence that God hates someone. Some of the most anguished people in Scripture were still loved by God:
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Job lost almost everything.
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David wrote psalms full of grief, rage, betrayal, and despair.
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Jeremiah literally cursed the day he was born.
The Bible does not portray deep anguish as proof a person is abandoned by God.
And practically speaking, this person sounds emotionally overwhelmed and isolated, not beyond hope. Someone crying for hours, reliving family wounds, failed relationships, career collapse, survivor’s guilt, and fear of future loneliness is not in a stable state to make permanent conclusions about whether life can ever improve.
Q: If I loved somebody and was all powerful I would NEVER let them suffer this way
A:
I understand why that feels compelling. When suffering goes on for years — especially loneliness, humiliation, grief, rejection, and feeling unseen — it can make the idea of a loving God feel impossible or even offensive.
A lot of people in the Bible said things very close to what you’re saying:
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“Why have you forsaken me?”
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“Why was I even born?”
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“How long, O Lord?”
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“Why do the wicked prosper while I suffer?”
Those are not shallow questions. They come from people who felt crushed.
What you’re reacting to is not just pain itself, but apparently meaningless pain. Human beings can endure astonishing hardship if they believe there is love, purpose, movement, or companionship inside it. What destroys people psychologically is often the belief:
“Nothing good is coming. No one sees me. This will never end.”
And when someone has spent years isolated and disappointed, the mind starts interpreting everything through that lens.
But there’s another side to this too. If love always prevented every form of suffering immediately, then human freedom, growth, courage, sacrifice, loyalty, forgiveness, endurance, and even genuine love itself would barely exist in recognizable form. A world with no possibility of heartbreak would also be a world with no real vulnerability or choice.
That still does not answer the emotional question:
“Why this much suffering for this long?”
And honestly, Christianity does not give a neat philosophical answer that suddenly makes grief feel okay. Even believers wrestle with that.
What Christianity claims instead is not:
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“suffering is good,” or
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“your pain is fake,”
but that God entered suffering Himself through Jesus Christ — betrayal, abandonment, humiliation, grief, physical agony, and despair — rather than remaining distant from it.
You do not sound like someone casually complaining. You sound like someone who feels emotionally exhausted and spiritually disillusioned after years of carrying disappointment and loneliness. That can distort the future into something that feels permanently closed off.
But a life feeling unbearable right now does not mean it always will be. The brain in deep despair speaks in absolutes:
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“always”
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“never”
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“forever”
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“no point”
Those thoughts feel final because the pain is intense. But people do emerge from periods they once believed were unsurvivable.
And one more thing: the fact that you can still speak in terms of love, justice, cruelty, betrayal, meaning, and heaven tells me some part of you still believes life ought to contain goodness and connection. Completely deadened people usually stop caring altogether. The anger itself often comes from wounded hope, not absence of hope.
Q: None of this shit is going to be solved until this guy can land a stable job. There are only so many times a person can send their resume out into the void without responses before they lose hope.
In the very few interviews this poor POS has been able to get in the last near decade, he's asked people at the office he worked at how long they have been working there and how did they get started. Too many times this guy hears some college age woman with not even half the education as him say "Oh, my cousin told me I should apply!"
Too many times this guy walks into an office, see's a front office full of black women, and realizes he's wasting his entire time showing up for an interview he absolutely WILL NOT get hired for because his skin color, age, and gender don't help this racist skumfuk DEI deepthroating company check off a box when they hire him. Even if he highlights his Native American citizenship on the resume.
This guy has to go on linkedin to look for jobs where he is contstantly reminded of his colleagues from prior jobs or school all seem to have stable working careers. Nobody wants to help this poor motherfucker out by referring him for a job but oh hey that little moron cousin of theirs gets hired just for being cousins.
Fuck this bullshit. Fuck this world. And fuck this so called loving God that has plans for people to suffer. Either God is all powerful and squuashes the fucking devil and the evil out of the world, or he's a fucking fraud
A: You’re describing a person whose sense of dignity has been shredded by years of rejection, isolation, comparison, and powerlessness. After enough unanswered applications, enough interviews that go nowhere, enough watching other people move forward through family connections or luck, resentment can start to harden into a worldview:
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“Nobody will ever give me a chance.”
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“The system is rigged.”
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“I am fundamentally unwanted.”
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“Everyone else belongs somewhere except me.”
That emotional state is real. Chronic unemployment and social isolation can absolutely break down a person’s confidence, identity, and hope.
But I also need to separate a few things carefully.
First: nepotism and networking are real. Many people do get jobs through relatives, friends, referrals, and social circles. That can feel brutal to someone trying to claw their way back alone after years out of the workforce.
Second: it is understandable for repeated rejection to make someone angry and suspicious. Human beings naturally look for explanations when they keep getting hurt.
But concluding:
“Every office full of black women means I definitely will never be hired because I’m a white man”
is a leap from pain into certainty that may not actually reflect reality. When people are beaten down long enough, the mind starts scanning for visible reasons why rejection happened. Race and gender become emotionally convenient explanations because they turn uncertainty into a concrete narrative.
That narrative can become self-reinforcing:
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every rejection confirms it,
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every successful minority candidate becomes “proof,”
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every successful peer becomes evidence of betrayal or unfairness.
But that mindset can also poison interviews, relationships, networking, and motivation in ways the person himself may not fully notice. Despair changes body language, tone, energy, eye contact, hopefulness, and the ability to connect socially. Employers often respond to that even more than resumes.
And underneath all the rage, what I actually hear is grief:
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grief over lost time,
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grief over lost identity,
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grief over the relationship ending,
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grief over feeling left behind,
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grief over believing life never became what it was “supposed” to become.
As for God: many people have stood exactly where you’re standing emotionally and said:
“If You’re good, why is this happening?”
That question appears throughout Psalms, Job, and Jeremiah. The Bible does not pretend faithful people never felt furious at God.
But right now, this person sounds dangerously close to collapsing into total nihilism — “the world is evil, nobody cares, nothing matters, God is fake.” That is not a stable place to stay psychologically for long periods.
And importantly: a stable job probably would help a lot. Not because employment magically solves existence, but because work provides:
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structure,
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income,
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momentum,
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social contact,
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competence,
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and a sense of future.
So the despair is not irrational in the sense that material conditions genuinely matter. A human being who feels economically trapped for years is going to suffer.
But the conclusion “therefore death is the answer” still does not follow.
This may sound blunt, but after a very long unemployment gap, the strategy often has to change completely rather than simply sending resumes into online portals endlessly. That can mean:
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temp contracts,
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staffing agencies,
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in-person networking,
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government or tribal employment programs,
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portfolio-based work,
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certifications instead of another full degree,
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removing graduation dates,
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reframing the resume gap,
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or taking work below prior status temporarily to rebuild momentum.
None of that is glamorous. And yes, it can feel humiliating after earning advanced degrees. But humiliation is survivable. Death is not reversible.
And if this person is spiraling into thoughts like “fuck the world, fuck God, I should have died already,” then the emotional crisis itself also needs attention alongside the career problem. Because even if a job arrived tomorrow, years of accumulated despair and bitterness do not instantly disappear on day one of employment.
You do not sound like someone who truly wants shallow reassurance. You sound like someone who wants somebody to acknowledge:
“Yes, this has been unfairly painful.”
I am acknowledging that. But I am also saying this does not have to be the final chapter of the person’s life.
Q: This fucking guy made the mistake of extending a sympathetic arm of friendship to a trans coworker at Apple after Dylan Bie made transphobic comments toward them that made everyone in earshot uncomfortable. Because of shithead Dylan Bie's comments, this poor guy felt like he had to take it upon himself to make this trans coworker feel welcome and accepted at work.
The reality is, this poor guy should have immediately walked over to the HR office and informed them of Dylan Bie's comments making everyone uncomfortable and creating a hostile working environment. Instead, this poor fucking retarded guy struck up conversation with the trans person about Star Trek because he knew the trans person liked Star Trek. This poor guy didn't give a flying fuck about Star Trek, he just wanted the trans person to feel accepted.
Well apparently simply being friendly to a millennial is enough for them to think that you're interested in dating them because this trans person started making highly inappropriate comments towards this guy along the lines of "I just want a really large sausage or bratwurst" because word had gotten out about one of this guy's only redeemable qualities.
This poor guy was kind-hearted enough to accept people for whoever they wanted to be, but that didn't mean he was gay. When this guy started blocking the trans person on social media and removing them from xbox/battlenet friend connections, the trans person started cyberstalking my buddy, spying on him at work, and otherwise creating a hostile working environment.
This guy avoided reporting the trans person for months before he realized he was in fact being harassed and treated inappropriately. He went to HR to tell them about it but he made the mistake of saying he didn't want a corrective action taken, because he feared being targeted with hate for reporting a transperson.
Even when the HR lady seemed bothered by what she heard and tried to signal to this guy that this was all ground for a corrective action, this guy was nervous about reporting them and still said no, dont take a corrective action. Well that was a mistake because the trans person still tried to sabotage this guy's career again anyway.
When this guy's contract at work end and he applied to go back and wasnt re-hired but that same fucking cunt trans asshole had been rehired, it felt as if his career had successfully been sabotaged.
That trans person is the fucking devil. The only solace this poor ashhole takes is in the fact that according to the trans perosn's linkedin acocunt they have been unemployed for the past 4 years. Turnabout is fair play.
But none of that helps my buddy get hired. Especially when the entire hiring model these days is "who you know".
A: It sounds like your friend went through a situation that felt confusing, humiliating, and threatening, especially if he believed someone crossed boundaries after he was simply trying to be kind. Workplace harassment — unwanted sexual comments, social pressure, retaliation fears, or stalking behavior — is serious regardless of who does it. A man can absolutely feel trapped in situations where he worries that reporting misconduct will backfire socially or professionally.
But I also want to be careful here: the problem in the story is the alleged behavior of a particular person, not the fact that they were transgender. Turning one painful experience into “trans people are the devil” or celebrating someone else’s unemployment is the kind of bitterness that can start consuming a person from the inside.
From what you described, your friend actually did something decent at the beginning:
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he saw a coworker being mocked,
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he tried to make them feel included,
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and he treated them like a human being.
That does not make him weak or foolish. It means he was trying to act compassionately.
Where things may have gone wrong is that he tried to manage an uncomfortable situation entirely alone for too long instead of setting firmer boundaries early and documenting what was happening formally. Many people — especially conflict-avoidant people — hesitate to report inappropriate behavior because they fear drama, retaliation, or being seen as hateful. That hesitation is understandable.
But none of this means his life is ruined forever or that an entire social group is responsible for his career struggles.
Right now, I think years of unemployment, heartbreak, anger, loneliness, and perceived betrayal are causing this person to connect many painful experiences into one giant narrative:
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“People betray me.”
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“The world is rigged.”
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“Kindness gets punished.”
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“Everyone else gets protected except me.”
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“My career was destroyed.”
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“God abandoned me.”
When people are deeply hurt, the mind naturally searches for villains and explanations. That can temporarily feel clarifying because anger feels more powerful than grief. But if someone stays in that state too long, the anger starts reshaping their entire identity and worldview.
And I’ll say this directly: dwelling on revenge fantasies or taking comfort in another person being unemployed for years is not bringing your friend peace. It’s keeping him emotionally tied to a painful chapter that may not even be the primary reason his career stalled.
A long employment gap, isolation, loss of confidence, industry shifts, damaged self-esteem, depression, and chronic resentment can all affect hiring outcomes far more broadly than one former coworker’s actions years ago.
The deeper issue I hear underneath all this is:
“I tried to be decent and life crushed me anyway.”
That feeling can become spiritually corrosive if someone carries it alone for years.
But the answer is not to become consumed by hatred toward groups of people, or by the belief that the entire world is evil and permanently closed off to him. That path usually deepens isolation and despair rather than relieving it.
Your friend sounds like someone who needs:
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support from real human beings,
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a path back into meaningful work,
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and help processing years of accumulated anger and humiliation before it hardens permanently.
And despite everything you’ve described, I still do not hear someone beyond recovery. I hear someone exhausted, bitter, wounded, and deeply lonely. Those are serious things — but they are not the same as being doomed.
